


Still Awake

by akamine_chan



Series: Still Awake [1]
Category: due South
Genre: Community: ds_snippets, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-30
Updated: 2008-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-05 09:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was so tired his body ached, sore from tossing and turning on his hard cot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Awake

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LiveJournal Community ds_snippets
> 
> Notes: Both Keerawa and Simplystars made tremendous efforts to improve this. I don't think I managed the potential that they saw in this. All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> Prompt: _i stayed awake for hours again last night  
> searching for a reason to keep up the fight  
> i've made choices i don't regret  
> i've got problems i don't get_  
> **Great Big Sea, "Buying Time" **

It was three o'clock in the morning and Fraser was still awake, staring at the darkened ceiling. He was so tired his body ached, sore from tossing and turning on his hard cot. He'd been having trouble sleeping—every time he'd closed his eyes he saw Ray.

Ray as Fraser had last seen him. Devastated. Something broken in his eyes. There had been no way to soften the blow.

_"I'm sorry, Ray, but I'm not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you."_

Fraser had kept his voice even and had looked at Ray, willing him to believe the words.

Fraser had glimpsed the beginnings of something wondrous in Ray, as their partnership had grown. Something hungry and yearning. He'd had to dissuade Ray from harboring hopes for more than what they had.

He could survive alone, solitary and isolated. Not truly alive, not living, but he'd come to accept that. It was safer.

_"It's better this way."_

Ray's friendship and other..._feelings_ were dangerous. If Fraser wasn't careful, he'd come to rely on Ray's presence. Once that was gone (and there was no doubt in Fraser's mind that Ray would eventually leave) he'd be alone again.

He rubbed tiredly at his face, wanting nothing more than a decent night's sleep. If he could shut off his mind for a while, banish the relentless thoughts that haunted him, reminding him of all the things he had wanted but could never have. A mother's love. His father's approval. Ray Vecchio's friendship, Victoria's love.

Would his life always be like this? Telling himself _no_, denying himself the things he needed because he was too afraid—

Fraser rolled over in his cot and pulled the blanket up, determined to get some sleep.

-fin-


End file.
